Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers Are In the Room

Sometime ago, I stumbled on an article regarding a study from the Department of Psychology in the University of Washington that claimed that “ Children Are 800% Worse When Their Mothers are in the Room” According to the report, “The study followed 500 families and measured Neediness, Whine Crying, Shriek Screaming, Attempted Slapping, Forgetting How To Walk/Use Words, and Acting The Fool.”

Even though, the study is obviously a fake one, nonetheless, the concept is absolutely true. Children are evidently 800% worse when their mothers are present. What can possibly be the explanation for this behavior?

A Mother’s Love … A Love Like no other

A woman’s hormones are designed to make her have extreme feelings of emotions  for her baby. A typical Nigeria woman will stake all odds and go all out to protect her child.

According to Agatha Christie,

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”

Research has also revealed that infants are more receptive to female voices and that females have a propensity to show strain in sympathy for crying children, while men will habitually develop a sense of stress or exasperation. Universally, women have a tendency to be more nurturing and tender in their duties as custodians.

Some Basic Realities about a Mother and Child

Once a woman becomes pregnant, there is a considerable transformation that takes place in her body chemistry. The hormonal influence is extremely powerful. A woman carries that baby in her body, and normally the earliest affectionate bond happens with the mother.

In the majority of cases, the mother is solely the one that the baby comes to depend on to meet all his/her needs. When the mother is breastfeeding (it’s regarded as abnormal for a Nigerian mother not to breastfeed her newborn baby for at least three months), then that just help to reinforce the bond and attachment.

In a place like Nigeria, where the duty of raising a child is traditionally the task of the woman, the bond between the mother and child is even stronger for the simple reason that the child’s in most cases only sees the father for a limited time every day.

Men are majorly the bread winners in most homes in Nigeria (the only earner in many homes with the women being a full-time house wife). In extreme cases, especially in busy cities like Lagos, some children only see their fathers only on weekends. Their fathers’ are gone before they wake up in the morning and by the time he comes in late at night, the children are already asleep.

As a result of these reasons, the children are much more attached to their mum than anyone else. What then is the explanation for the anomalous behaviour that makes children 800% Worse When Their Mothers Are in the Room?

Unbelievable Reason Why Children are Worse when their Mother is Around

There is a simple explanation for this and whether you believe it or not, the truth is that:

LOVING AND CHERISHED MOTHERS are a ‘Trash Dumping Bin’ of a child’s unbearable feelings and sentiments.

According to experts, children are the worst with the people they love most for the simple reason that they want to assess the bonds of the relationship so as to feel protected and discover boundaries.

For example, they can’t discern if an unfamiliar person will hang around for an outburst; nevertheless, they trust the mother sufficiently to know that she will. Consequently, they can only do it with her and not with others less familiar for fear that they might leave them. It occurs with numerous children. They are aware that their mummy can’t or won’t run off.

When a child’s been holding on and behaving for a long time, in an unpleasant circumstance, the moment they see their mother, they know it’s time they can at last let go.

The mother is being penalized for parting from them. Certainly enough, once they settle into daycare/school, they have amusing time; however, they miss their mother deep down and are annoyed that she left. As a result, they get punished when they return. Mothers should anticipate it and take it in stride.

All they are striving to do is get the mum’s attention, good or bad, it doesn’t matter to them. The negative behavior can get even worse when they feel or sense that there is a competition for their mother’s attention. This explains why kids whose mom just had new babies are usually always throwing up different tantrums just to divert their mom’s attention from the new baby to themselves.

Children are inclined to act out when their mothers are around more often than not because their mums’ are their safe place. She is the place they can come to with every of their troubles. If their mother’s can’t make them feel better, well then, who else can?

Can Discipline Help?

Now, here comes the difficult part. When a child is defiant or acting out, a mother must not give in to the child’s demands, doing so gives him/her the drive to keep on the repulsive behaviour, for the fact that he/she will realize it works. A mother must have a discipline plan in place and must need to be consistent with discipline. This will help the child to know the consequences of certain attitude.

It’s best to check it initially by anticipating it, taking it in stride if it occurs and not taking it personally; sympathizing, and then changing the issue in question to something more optimistic when they are prepared to let it go.

 Spanking! How Effective is it?

Though, some people are against hitting a child for whatever reason, in Nigeria, spanking is one of the commonest ways parents discipline their children. Spanking a rebellious child once in a while can do more good than harm to the child. Even the Holy Bible in Proverbs 13: 24 states that “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”

For emphasis, a 2013 Harris poll revealed that 8 in 10 people surveyed believed spanking was suitable at least “sometimes” and 86% testified being spanked themselves while they were little.

Regular and severe spanking of a child will however be detrimental to the development and well being of the child. It can also go a long way to affect the psychological development of the child.

 
Some Effective Discipline for the Errant Child

• Scolding tactically.
• Use of non-negotiable arguments
• Withholding a child privileges is another popular method of child discipline, especially among the well-to-do parents

Other Little Known Tips on Child up-bringing

1. If you must punish, particularly smaller kids, do it without delay. Don’t carry it over and merge it with tomorrow’s violation.
2. Do not make threats of punishment except you plan to carry it out. It may work initially; however, once the child realizes the threat ends there, the words will lose their effectiveness.
3. Discuss your expectations with the child.
4. Be authoritative, but not an authoritarian.
5. Educate your child on natural consequences. If a child destroyed a toy for instance, don’t rush to get the child a new toy. Allow the child to experience the effect of not having the toy for a while. That will help the child to learn the importance of taking better care of his/her things.
6. Educate your child on logical consequences. Logical consequences refer to the penalty you choose will follow the child’s negative behaviour. They should be directly connected to the behaviour so the child learn not to do them another time.
7. Not all offenses by a child should be punished, even when it should be. Sometimes, just having a talk with them can be more effective. Ask a majority of adults, you will likely hear stuff like, “ I’d prefer a punishment than all those many talks.”

Bonus Tips

1. Notwithstanding the method of discipline you decide to use on your child, you must be consistent.
2. You have to use it consistently or it won’t work, and it must be instantly so the child knows why he/she is being punished.
3. Once a child knows you are serious he/she will stop.
4. A number of kids will try a 100 times before they get the message. That indicates that you have to go 101 times before they get it.
5. You may feel horrible; they may strive and test harder every time, nevertheless, you must remain consistent in your approach.

Do you really Care about your Child?

It’s in truth very imperative that a mother, as the main caregiver has the most authority over her child. Develop a discipline method and stick with it. Otherwise the child will run you weary and frustrated.

Compensating positive behaviour is as well very essential. Thank and praise your child adequately for putting up good manners, playing nicely by themselves, etc. this will help to balance out the discipline, and assist them to recognize you are happy with them.

It’s easy for parents to overlook the fact that their kids can’t discern when they are happy with their behaviour.

Disciplining a child you love is never simple. It’s much easier to give a child tons of love and affection, in view of the fact that after all, you love your child.

Nevertheless, if you want your child to distinguish right from wrong and to grow up with self-discipline and good behaviour, you will have to find out how to discipline the child the appropriate way, no matter how difficult it is.